Voices of Doubt

by Dana Cleveland Konop

             I primarily write novels for middle grade readers. Frequently, my best ideas come to me while I’m driving. Seeing the white stripe down the road and hearing my children vying for attention in the backseat, it becomes perfectly clear…a character, the setting, a captivating lead-in… Not only is the idea good, it’s perfection and better than any creamy 6,000 calorie desert at any five star restaurant in Manhattan. In fact, it’s an idea more pregnant than a woman could ever be.

With pencil and paper, I stop to capture those vivid golden words. When I get back to my notes after completing a current writing project, the words still ensnare my heart and a flurry of writing ensues.

However, after lunch I get a phone call from my son’s school. I need to pick him up immediately if not ten minutes earlier as he’s already thrown up on two of his friends.

When I eventually get to the middle of my writing project, those whizzing, thought-producing gears clog with the sticky entanglement of doubt. Characters with voices all their own gather around my computer and take aim at my inspiration. 

Their monologues derail me. This may seem good, but you’re just kidding yourself. These aren’t vivid characters. You ought to bury them. Will it be interesting to anyone except you? You call that engaging? Don’t put me to sleep! 

I feel like a stand up comedian being heckled. Writing stops. 

When I’m plagued with doubt, I remember small successes like submitting an article to a magazine or coming up with a great line for a character, as well as encouragement from my critique group and past awards. As for my lengthy projects, I rethink characters, plot, voice, pacing, and purpose. I read what I’ve already written, trying not to let my laptop take a detour to the revision zone. Then alas, I’m captivated all over again. Voices of doubt vanish and writing continues. 

After all, I’d rather be writing than eating chocolate mocha cheesecake any day of the week.